Ranch girl.

Winding up and up, rock formations on either side. A sky so big, so vast, it stretches like a giant bowl, further than the eye can see. At night, a blanket of blue-black, alive with masses of burning, twinkling light. Stars, thousands of them. Stepping outside, they took my breath away, puffs in the night. Huddled in blankets, I watched them with friends, quiet, black, nothing but the sound of breathing, elk grazing not far away. Five humans, nature, God, and the stars.

I can see it now, my first morning, drinking in the new day, the beginning of my adventure. It was dark when I arrived. 11 hours of traveling, tired, cranky, an odd spectacle, I'm sure, coloring with my pencils as I sat in the airport shuttle. The driver chatted with fellow passengers about bear break-ins and moose; I didn't feel like talking, unusual for me. Denver faded into mountains, and I was only mildly impressed. Then. Then I saw it. The twinkling nighttime slumber of downtown Estes park. A vision from a storybook, bordered by glorious peaks, hidden in a valley, lit by a hundred lights.

And I knew I was home.

How does one describe the most incredibly life-changing adventure of her life? I dread these sorts of posts, because in all honesty, words cannot paint the four weeks I spent on the Wind River Ranch. It was work, yes, but so, so much more. If you could only taste the beauty, the endless, flawless beauty of a place that will forever be etched into my soul. At the same time, I'm grateful to be home. It was tough, at first, and I rebelled a little inside. I wanted to stay so badly. But God has me here for a purpose, I see that now. Yet, I know I have to go back. The ranch is something too special, too important, to leave behind forever. Next year, Lord willing, I plan on being there the entire summer, maybe longer. Because the Wind River Ranch captured my heart. Captured me through the people I grew to love--my fellow staff members, a group of the most dedicated, hard working, genuine, soul-bonded, deep, amazing young people I've ever, ever met. I made my best friends on the ranch. And I miss them, more than words can say. They captured me with their heart for God, for His work. We were knit in a common goal: ministry. The greatest calling of all. Every day the ache
gets a little smaller. Not because I don't miss them, but because I know I'm going back. In the meantime, I need to focus on life here at home, my family, and building on that life. It's happening. For the first time in my 24 years, I see a future, and I'm satisfied with what I see.

I was captured by the mountains. The Rockies are breathtaking. Every day I looked out from staff housing at Longs Peak, struck by the power and might of our God. I remember distinctly one morning, sitting under an aspen tree and praying my heart out. Worrying about going home, not sure what I was going to do next, just looking up at that mountain. Its amazing, how easily we take God for granted. In that moment He reminded me. . .He is enough. He can MOVE mountains. The illustration was so clear, it hit something deep inside that I hope I never forget. Jesus captured me. 

Because at the ranch, I saw Him in new ways. He was so alive in everything we did, every moment of every day. Nothing happened, no day started, without first going to Jesus. He was alive in the eyes of every child, every staff member. And we all gave a little of that light to the guests we served. That was the greatest part for me, interacting with the guests. I'd get up each morning around 6:00 AM to get ready, and go to the staff meeting, if it was my morning off. Otherwise I'd be at the kitchen by 7:00 AM to start work in the dining hall. It was frantic, it was hectic, it was busy, but it was fun. I met all kinds of people from all walks of life, and most important of all, I learned the meaning of the word grace. Working with the same people 24/7 isn't always a walk in the park. There will be disagreements. Not every relationship is flawless. But that is the beauty of teamwork. You work through those tough times, and you grow through them. The same went for our guests--they were our mission. They were our sacrifices, our smiles when we we didn't feel like smiling, the helping hand when our bodies just wanted to go back to bed. It always amazed me, by the end of each week, hearing the testimonials, how staff impacted the guests, how they felt like a family, how we blessed them. That is honestly the most fulfilling feeling in the entire world. Sometimes the smallest things make the biggest impact.

I won't try describing everything I did. I would take a book, and I really don't think I'm capable of summing it up. But I will say this--I learned a lot about myself. I learned about independence and being comfortable in my own skin. I learned about my dreams, but instead of just dreaming, I have the motivation to make them reality. I learned that I love Colorado enough to potentially move there. No joke. I learned what my personal convictions and preferences are, my limits. I learned that I really like to hike. Actually, I'm a little obsessed with it now. ;) I learned that I enjoy being a waitress, which has motivated me to look for server jobs, now that I'm home. I've learned that ministry is not just a dream--it's the calling of my life. I've learned that sometimes it takes years to fulfill, but God plants that restlessness in our hearts for a reason. Even though it might not be what we think, He brings about and shows us exactly what He wants, when He wants. I learned that there is a future for everyone, even me. And it's happening, friends. I'm finally living loud--living the plan He has. And it's a wild, radical, beautiful ride.

There is so much to say. Funny, I've talked with a few friends from the ranch about coming home. Trying to describe the experience, telling others about the adventure. And we all agree--it isn't something you can just tell. Have you ever met Jesus in a way so real, it can only be felt by you? That was the ranch, for me. God is so, so alive. And I love Him with my entire heart. Not that I didn't before, but wow do I love Him even more, now. I want the whole world to know Him in that way. Jesus is ALIVE. 

I believe in the Son

I believe in the risen One

I believe I overcome

By the power of His blood

Amen, Amen

I’m alive, I’m alive

Because He lives

Amen, Amen

Let my song join the one that never ends

Because He lives

I was dead in the grave
I was covered in sin and shame
I heard mercy call my name

He rolled the stone away

Amen, Amen

I’m alive, I’m alive

Because He lives

Amen, Amen

Let my song join the one that never ends

Because He lives

I can face tomorrow

Because He lives

Every fear is gone

I know He holds my life my future in His hands

Amen, Amen

I’m alive, I’m alive

Because He lives

Amen, Amen

Let my song join the one that never ends

Amen, Amen

I’m alive, I’m alive

Because He lives

Amen, Amen

Let my song join the one that never ends

Because He lives