I'm never quite sure how to broach the subject of singleness (which is why I haven't tried until now,) on my blog without sounding like I feel sorry for myself or am desperate. Yuck to both. I've wanted to write a post on it for awhile, as a 25-almost-26-year-old single gal, and have even started several articles. But they're never posted. It's a sensitive subject, right? Funny to me, how everyone has their own perspective, to fit their own agenda: one MUST find contentment in their singleness. | hey girl, it's totally alright to FEEL THINGS. If you want a man, cry all you like! | be aggressive | nope don't say anything, that's the man's job | well, you don't really know how hard it is, because your only such-and-such an age (aka, too young,) to understand | yeah but I'm only 19 and I totally know how hard it is to be single! | being single is the greatest, I have so much freedom | I just really don't feel whole, like there's something missing | never let your happiness depend on another person | it isn't good for man (or ok, paraphrase women,) to be alone | I waited until I was well into my 30's | I was married at 18 and had my first child a year later | if you talk about it too much, it'll scare the guys away | hey, be yourself. Girl, if you hate your friend for having a boyfriend, let it vent! | I think you get the idea, especially if you reading this post, because you're probably single too, and you've heard these scenarios more than once. There just isn't a remedy or "right answer," is there? Nope. Because everyone is different, every story is different. I personally am sick of all the negativity, and worse, all the attention brought upon singles, like we're diseased or have a problem that needs fixing. And no, that isn't bitterness either. See? We just can't win. ;)
With my move, new job, all that jazz, I've been viewing the ever beloved (much sarcasm,) topic of singleness through a different lens. Hey, I'm just going to be honest here. I really want to be married someday. I often wonder what it feels like to have a guy call me every night after getting home from work, or having the knowledge that I am loved. . .because why would he pick me? It's easy to get caught in pity-party-mode, feeling sorry for myself as I watch countless friends announce their dating relationships, engagements, marriages, and even pregnancies. See, the happiness goes both ways, but so does the respect. When I was a kid my parents posted a chart of 21 rules. One in particular, has always stuck: "be happy when someone else is happy." Sounds easy enough, but we are selfish creatures by nature, and even "mature" adults can envy and covet. Get the picture? When it comes to singleness, it's natural to feel joy for our dating or engaged friends, but the stab of bitterness or longing is very real. In turn, it is so, so important for people in relationships to recognize not only that their single friends still exist, but has feelings and a life, too. YES we'll be happy for you, but don't turn that happiness into an unknowing: "Oh my gosh he/she is the most amazing EVER. I literally have the best boyfriend/girlfriend in the WORLD. I wish you could have what I have. . .my life has been so changed. What was life like before?"
Just some thoughts. See, God has a plan and is doing great things in the lives of all His children. Sounds generic, but it's very true, as easy as it is to shrug off. I'm not here to keep you from settling, becoming desperate, or being that annoying poster on Facebook: "SAD. Do you know what that stands for?? SINGLES AWARENESS DAY." #buyingmyselfchocolate #princecharmingwhereareyou? #findingacornertocryin #whoneedsloveanyway
Your feelings are validated, no matter who you are, or what your age. (Though the example above is actually extremely over the top. Don't do that. :P ) But your identity truly doesn't lie in that of another person. I feel like I'm sounding cliche, but I can't stress it enough. Society has convinced us that without a significant other, we aren't complete. In my own life, the ache for a partner is very real, but I've had (an everyday process, but it's working,) to remind myself that life goes on. And I can and have found happiness outside of a relationship. More so, I'm starting to accept that it just isn't time. Do you know how hard that is for me? Because since I was at least 18 I've felt ready. That's the cool thing about God. He knows exactly what we need when we need it. And He's never off by a day or a few years. The Great I AM is so much bigger, more powerful, more Holy and more Just then we give Him credit for. If He can move mountains, bring people from the dead, and part the Red Sea, surely He can bring me a husband.
I'm not going to lie and say that there is a relationship in your future. Cause there might not be. And yet, God never places a desire in our heart without cause. Very few are actually called to singleness. But now, while you have the tools, prepare your mind and heart. Do what you can while you can. Do you see a theme to my posts, lately? I am still young (for those in their 30s who want to pull that card,) but I still feel the pain. I know the exhaustion of unrequited love, broken heartedness, (not sure that's even a word, :P ) and unfounded dreams. Maybe it isn't as difficult for some, but man, I just want to meet my guy, you know? Little by little, the more I lean into Jesus and give Him my doubts and insecurities, the more He is opening my eyes. Resting in the arms of my Savior is the best, sweetest, most fulfilling rest of all. I don't really think there is a point to this post, just a girl talking from her heart and hopefully connecting with yours. I know there are so many who feel the same, and I want you to know that there is hope! Oh, and a note to dating people; have grace. Don't forget your single friends. Life changes, you have a new focus now, but remember that you too were single, once. How did you feel? Stop talking about your guy/gal for a minute and really take a moment to listen. Other lives matter, and yes, we're happy for you. Just don't forget that we're in a different season. Like I said, happiness and respect go both ways.
From my little apartment on a lazy Sunday evening, much love.
(not to be ironic, or anything. ;) )